I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
