omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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