Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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