Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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