I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
