i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I made him laugh his dick is mine
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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