Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
In America we eat man semen.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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