ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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