Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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