sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
