i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
