I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
