I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
porn star boner night. come get it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
