My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
