Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
