Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
