zippers are such a cool invention
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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