oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I understand Curling. That high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
