Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
