That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
