i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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