Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
