Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
