the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Too much gin, very little bucket
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the day after is always just damage control
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
