oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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