So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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