there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
