Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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