How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
