I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize