True but thats because hes a fetus.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
