That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
