so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
