I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
40s are totally the cure
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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