six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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