You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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