And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dicks are not precious.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
