THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize