i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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