I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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