Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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