is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
PANTIES FOUND
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