U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
