well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
