you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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