dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize