Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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