I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
