if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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