Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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