Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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