A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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