we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
