i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
