I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
