Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
