i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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