Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
