i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
