Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
