Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
