I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
