Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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