My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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