who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
