My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
