I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
