Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
