Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
