my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
