everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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