It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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