so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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