Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
