When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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