so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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