Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
