ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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