Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
