i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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